Monday, 23 April 2018

Roberto Di Matteo's Waiting Part 2


Another timeout from Rap shit with 80's pop sensations, because I do have the patience to deal with these Cockney & Irish-born caucasians. This time it's the first two times that Bananarama touched down to cause Heaven on Dick Clark's American Bandstand.


Highlight: probably the worst outfits of their career, but definitely the only time the Yank mix of Really Saying Something has ever sounded good.


Highlight: arguably the coolest outfits of their career, but the Yanks didn't really take to Cruel Summer until it was featured in the Karate Kid. After that, even Mike Tyson was all up on their collective clit:

Friday, 20 April 2018

Generic list post: 10 for '18


In no specific order, 10 Legit Jams™ from the first quarter of 2018. Slim pickings out there right now for ya host, but there's still a smattering of fly shit for doz of us who view Lil' Pump and Westside Gunn as different shades of the same shite.

Tay-K - After You (2018)
70th Street Carlos - Clappin' (2018)
Maine Musik - Soulja Slim Flow 2 (2018)
Husalah - Humpin' (2018)
Mozzy - Who I Am (2018)
Kendrick Lamar & SOB X RBE - Paramedic (2018)
SOB X RBE - Carpoolin' (2018)
Rich Blue - Hands Hands (2018)
Roc Marciano - 67 Lobby (2018)
Valee - Juice & Gin (2018)

Bonus beats: the present and the future walked into a bar - it was tense! You know I also stay posted up in the past like Toys R Us, so here's my top 3 new-to-me discovery songs of 2018 thus far.

Mac Dre - Outrages (2002)
Agallah ft. Sean Price - Zepplin Fuel (2009)
Ghost8800 - Sonic Boom (video mix) (2012)

Wednesday, 18 April 2018

Reasons why I love YouTube part whatever

Because the Brand Nubian episode of Unsung that Tha Barber just told me about is already on there in full:


Good to see that Lord Jamar has taken time out from shilling for DJ Vlad's financial advice YouTube series to take part in this.

Tuesday, 17 April 2018

Tinder Bell

"See, that chat is not so snappy, and Cupid's not ok
I'm glad that we connected in the most old-fashioned way
I'm not against Computer Love, but, gurl, it's you I love
So baby you can understand it when I say..
There's nothin' we can do here that we can't do at home
So gurl take my hand..
'Cause we gotta go, we gotta goooooo, we gotta goooooo"


XL Middleton - We Gotta Go
(From the MoFunk Records Bandcamp; 2018)



Via an AZN DJ Quik/Dâm-Funk hybrid, here's a digital G-Funk chirpsing anthem for blokes who are too analogue to find a bird on Plenty Of Fish. If there's one things Rap needs in 2018, it's AZN G-Funk producer/rappers who look like Fieldy from KoЯn.

Saturday, 14 April 2018

Shark Reptiles (Biters)

"I can't stand a bitin' ass turtle who wanna use ya hairdoo everytime before you even get a chance to shine on ya own shit, yaknowwhatimsayin?"


"Turtles killed me when they bit offa Carlos shit, yaknowwhatimsayin?"


"I don't want no turtle lookin' like me on no Australian island, yaknowwhatimsayin? For real, 'cause Ima approach a reptile and turn they whole species from endangered to extinct!"

Thursday, 12 April 2018

Late pass!

"Blunt in my hand, iPhone in my other
Spit it just like my pops, look just like my mother"


Stunna Gang - Brand Nubian
(From YouTube; 2017)



Who knew Grand Puba has a rapping sprog? Little fella's ode to Makonnen leaves a lot to be desired, but the apple doesn't fall far from his father's tree when Maxwell Junior nostaljacks Brand Nubian deep cuts.

Monday, 9 April 2018

Generic list post: 80's Rap 101


Sod stereophonic sound, this is a journey into constantly-evolving sound. The best Rap songs of the 80s as according to ya host Love Bug Tarkovski: a funky 100 + 1 of songs that shine like dookie ropes not songs that stink like dookie.

Spoonie Gee - Love Rap (1980)
Treacherous Three & Spoonie Gee - New Rap Language (1980)
Kurtis Blow - Hard Times (1980)
Blondie - Rapture (1980)
Grand Wizard Theodore & The Fantastic 5 - Can I Get A Soul Clapp (1981)
Grandmaster Flash - The Adventures Of Grandmaster Flash.. (1981)
Dr. Jeckyll & Mr. Hyde - Doing The Do (1982)
Super 3 - When You're Standing On The Top (1982)
The Fearless Four - Rockin' It (1982)
Duke Bootee & Melle Mel - The Message (1982)
Afrika Noncebaataa & The Soulsonic Force - Planet Rock (1982)
Planet Patrol - Play At Your Own Risk (1982)
Trouble Funk - Pump Me Up (1982)
Busy Bee - Making Cash Money (1982)
Hashim - Al-Naafiysh (The Soul) (1983)
Jimmy Spicer - Money (Dollar Bill Y'all) (1983)
Chris Stein ft. Grand Wizard Theodore - Gangbusters (1983)
Davy DMX - One For The Treble (1983)
West Street Mob - Break Dance -- Electric Boogie (1983)
Jonzun Crew - Space Is The Place (1983)
Disco Four - Throwdown (1983)
Rammellzee vs. K-Rob - Beat Bop (1983)
Love Bug Starski - You've Gotta Believe (1983)
Run D.M.C - Sucker MC's (1983)
Cybotron - Clear (1983)
Fat Boys - Jail House Rap (1984)
Newcleus - Jam On It (1984)
The Furious Five - Step Off (1984)
Herbie Hancock ft. Grand Mixer D.ST - Rockit (1984)
Whodini - Featuring Grandmaster Dee (1984)
World's Famous Supreme Team - Hey D.J (1984)
Crash Crew - We Are Known As Emcees (1984)
Cold Crush Brothers - Fresh, Fly, Wild, And Bold (1984)
Egyptian Lover - I Cry (Night After Night) (1984)
T La Rock & Jazzy Jay - It's Yours (1984)
DJ Red Alert - Hip Hop On Wax Volume 2 (1984)
Marley Marl ft. MC Shan - Marley Marl Scatch (1985)
Doug E. Fresh & MC Ricky D - La Di Da Di (1985)
Stetsasonic - Just Say Stet (1985)
Z-3 MC's - Triple Threat (1985)
Steady B - Just Call Us Def (1985)
Whistle - (Nothing Serious) Just Buggin' (1985)
Schoolly D - Saturday Night (1986)
Just Ice - Cold Gettin' Dumb (1986)
Super Kids - The Tragedy (Don't Do It) (1986)
Roxanne Shanté ft. Biz Markie - The Def Fresh Crew (1986)
Word Of Mouth ft. DJ Cheese - Coast To Coast (1986)
2 Live Crew - We Want Some Pussy (1986)
Salt-N-Pepa - Push It (1986)
Skinny Boys - Rip The Cut (1986)
The Showboys - Drag Rap (1986)
Audio Two - Top Billin' (1987)
Cool C - Juice Crew Dis (1987)
Super Lover Cee & Casanova Rud - Do The James (1987)
Latee - This Cut's Got Flavor (1987)
Heavy D & The Boyz - The Overweight Lover's In The House (1987)
The Classical Two - New Generation (1987)
J.J. Fad - Supersonic (1987)
Eric B. & Rakim - Lyrics Of Fury (1988)
Slick Rick - The Moment I Feared (1988)
Ultramagnetic MC's - Kool Keith Housing Things (1988)
Ice-T - Drama (1988)
M.C La Kim aka Lakim Shabazz - We Got The Funk (1988)
EPMD - You Gots To Chill (1988)
DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince - Brand New Funk (1988)
N.W.A - Straight Outta Compton (1988)
Eazy-E - Eazy-er Said Than Dunn (1988)
LL Cool J - Jack The Ripper (1988)
Public Enemy - Black Steel In The Hour Of Chaos (1988)
Kool G Rap & DJ Polo - Poison (1988)
The Juice Crew - The Symphony (1988)
Big Daddy Kane - Set It Off (1988)
Biz Markie - Vapors (LP version) (1988)
MC Shan - So Def (1988)
Too $hort - City Of Dope (1988)
Jungle Brothers - Because I Got It Like That (1988)
Mantronix - King Of The Beats (1988)
J.V.C Force - Strong Island (1988)
MC Lyte - Paper Thin (1988)
Positive K ft. King Of Chill - Step Up Front (3 Heineken Technique) (1988)
Three Times Dope - Funky Dividends (1988)
Sir Mix-A-Lot - Posse On Broadway (1988)
Nice & Smooth - Early To Rise (1989)
Grandmaster Melle Mel - Free Style (1989)
The 45 King - The 900 Number (1989)
Stezo - Girl Trouble (1989)
Special Ed - I Got It Made (1989)
Uptown - Dope On Plastic (1989)
Freddie Foxxx - The Master (1989)
De La Soul ft. Native Tongues - Buddy (1989)
Tuff Crew - Behold The Detonator (1989)
Beastie Boys - What Comes Around (1989)
Ultimate Force - I'm Not Playing (1989)
Mac Dre - Young Black Brotha (1989)
3rd Bass - Monte Hall (1989)
Brand Nubian - Brand Nubian (1989)
YZ - In Control Of Things (1989)
Geto Boys - Gangster Of Love (1989)
Gang Starr - Words I Manifest (Remix) (1989)
The D.O.C - Portrait Of A Masterpiece (1989)
Tone Loc - Wild Thing (1989)

Thursday, 5 April 2018

Styles By The 'Gram

A post shared by 7$C (@70thstreetcarlos) on


Because this site wouldn't be The Martorialist without ya host complaining that some song which exists currently as an Instagram snippet is taking forever to drop. Fuck patience, I'm retarded I act just like a patient.

Bonus beats:

Level & Mouse On Tha Track ft. Boosie Badazz - #DFWT (Remix)
(From t'internet; 2018)



Just found out a Boosie remix of Level & Mouse On Tha Track's #DFWT dropped yesterday. O.G version got left in the dust by I Bet U Won't last year, so this new mix might give #DFWT some fresh legs for '018.

Related: apparently 5th Ward Weebie is featured somewhere on that new single by Audrey according to Weebie's Instagram. Dunno where exactly because I'd have to willingly listen to a full Drake song to work it out and that ain't happening anytime soon.

Monday, 2 April 2018

Don't Get Caught

"I pray everyday for all the soldiers and real life G's IN JAIL
All these little kids, man, that ain't where you wanna be
All the real G's wanna be free, don't no real G wanna be IN JAIL
Uh huh... it's Mysonne!

There's no smilin' on Riker's Island
Them young boys is wildin'
They'll cut you dialin' on the phone, they respect the violent
The realest dudes move in silence
There's no talk, if you don't walk like a G they'll test you
If you a rat they'll stretch you
N*ggas'll let you think it's sweet, while you liftin' them weights up
Some lil' n*gga rippin' your face up
It's karma, you hear the toughest n*gga cry for momma
When that life's given by Your Honour
That means you gonna die in a little ass cell
They got n*ggas doin' life for a little ass sale
In the mountains you'll be countin' Soul Trains & Super Bowls every year 'til you come home
Move alone, choose comrades wisely
Rule number one: don't speak what your eyes see
You got chumps tryna turn n*ggas out
Punks tryna burn n*ggas out
Sneak theives watchin', they tryna learn a n*gga's route
So when you leave they can clear a n*gga out
THEY TAKE EVERYTHING!
Then you got the C.O's who always wanna try you
'Cause they was nerds and punks back in high school
It's survival of the fittest in this bitch
The dude you call friend could be a snitch or a paedophile
Gotta check his file, gotta see his paperwork
Find out now 'cause later it's gonna make it worse
Some n*ggas leave and go right back
Do 15, come home, then go right back
Then they call home and nobody pick up the jack
And wonder why when they write that n*ggas don't write back
It's wack, straight up, bottom line
Any cat that glorify that is out his mind
I'm outta time, but I'm finally free, man
The worst place that you can be, man, is IN JAIL"


Mysonne - In Jail
(From YouTube; 2011)



Currently confined to my bed with a stinking cold, so ya host has kept busy by transcribing the lyrics to Mysonne's Jail House Rap nostaljack AKA the one moment of shinola in the otherwise shitty catalogue of a Ruff Ryders C lister-turnt-DJ Vlad's token black friend. Fellow perennial jailbird Black Rob had the vivider raps about doing porridge, but Mysonne Stanley Fletcher made a more compelling argument about why it's grim up north.

Jail House Rap - top 5 Larry Smith & Davy DMX production or wot?

Friday, 30 March 2018

Generic list post: March 2018


Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when Soundcloud-rap's Captain Save-A-Paedo army formed like Voltron.

Ghost8800 - Sonic Boom (video mix) (2012)
Mozzy - Who I Am (2018)
Roc Marciano - 67 Lobby (2018)
Rich Blue - Hands Hands (2018)
The J.B.'s - Crossover (1977)
Diana Ross ft. Michael Mars Bar - Upside Down (Live) (1981)

Other notables: initially dismissed OMB Peezy's Ride as corny Po Pimp nostalgia, but that shit is a grower if you can get your noggin' around the notion of Peezy doing a Rap & Bullshit radio jam; Juice & Gin is what Two 16's might have sounded like if Valee had complimented ZMoney's verse rather than just dropping a breezeblock of words on there with no regards for the rest of the track; those two singles by Quelle Chris & Jean Grae are more like soundtracks to alt-comedy videos than songs; YG and Queen Key both let ya host down with their respective new singles.

Monday, 26 March 2018

Clear and Present Ginger


The Jamie Jinx™ strikes again! I'm not sayin' that El-P is a danger to ethnic minorities, but it's very suspicious how every blk guy who aligns themselves with him ends up consumed by the ginger fire, innit? Casualties thus far include them 2 other blokes from Company Flow, Cannibal Ox (especially Vordul), the late Camu Tao, and now Killer Mike. You can bet your arse that Mr. Lif woke up this morning in a cold sweat.

So, what does the (probable) dissolution of Run The Jewels mean in the grand scheme of The Culture? Your buddies who "don't usually like rap BUT..." are gonna have to find themselves a new group to stan for, and El-P is gonna have to find himself a new blk rapper to ruin with his terrible production.

"Yo El, you crazy for this one, son!"

Saturday, 24 March 2018

GTA(Y-K)

... And speaking of fan-made GTA videos for rap songs, here's one for Tay-K's After You. Wonderful union of sound & image for the "now his bitch's ass on my dick in the bathroom" lyric at 0:33.

Tay-K - After You
(From YouTube; 2018)

Tuesday, 20 March 2018

The Boss & The Nonce (no Rick Ross & World Ultimate)


* You can enjoy this video without feeling a sliver of guilt because serial-pederast Michael "Mars Bar" Jackson probably hadn't bummed any children at this point. Similarly, you can still slap the Jackson 5's cover of I'll Bet You and the whole Off The Wall album for the same reason.

* The 2nd best Diana Ross live video after the Muppet Show performance of Love Hangover or wot? Old gal describes herself as "a tunnel for others with talent to move through me" in this clip, but she's more of a conduit for the joy that music can bring innit.

* It's apt that Bananarama were the biggest girl-group since The Supremes because neither trio could dance for toffee. Thing is, it doesn't even matter that Diana cuts a rug with all the grace of your aunty Liz when Boney M's Rivers Of Babylon comes on the pub jukebox, because she oozes class.

* Alas, Upside Down does not lend itself to Vaporwave as well as It's Your Move did.

Saturday, 17 March 2018

The A in GTA stood for Agallah

Agallah ft. Sean Price & Bazaar Royale - Rising To The Top
(From GTA III Game Radio FM station; 2001)




I've never even played played the 3rd Grand Theft Auto game and yet this fan-made video has still got ya host opin like them mans in the YouTube comments. On the 5 Star Millas scale, Rising To The Top rates as an 8-Off out of 5 song; Propane & Primo were nice, but Propane & Pricey were the best.

Bet Agallah was shitting twiglets with rage when he found out that Duck Down Records' HCACIC Dru-Ha removed his verse from Tel E Mundo and polished some of the grit outta the beat for the song's inclusion on Boot Camp Clik's Collect Dis Edition compilation. O.G version FTW 4 life:

Agallah ft. Ruck aka Sean Price - Tel E Mundo
(From Agallah's Da Mix Tape Iz The Album mixtape; 2001)



PS: Never forget that Sean P's babby boy could pronounce Agallah better than Jim Jones.

Thursday, 15 March 2018

IDGAF: The Next Level

"I don't give a fuck, diggin' in her motherfuckin' purse
Diggin' in her purse like she dead in a hearse
I don't give a fuck like Herschel
I don't give a fuck, we gonna tear down Marshalls"


Rich Blue - Hands Hands
(From YouTube; 2018)



Shout out to Chris Parker, we in this bitch! The missing link between Bass and Based or wot? To paraphrase an infamous mixtape ad-lib by DJ Kay Slay, ONLY DETROIT COULDA DONE THIS, YO!!!

"Read the bible, it say don't with Rich Blue, told you don't fuck with me too
Read the commandments, it said don't fuck with Rich Blue, I swear that's number 52!"

Tuesday, 13 March 2018

If we sacrifice Lee Mack to a volcano can we get Craig Mack back?


Damn, son! Bad Boy Records is lookin' like the Overlook Hotel of Rap right now - a cursed entity with the data to turn ya body into anti-matter, and anyone who was ever employed there is guaranteed eternal damnation in its ballroom of lost souls. Protect Black Rob at all costs.

R.I.P to the only rapper with a fly government name, a pioneering figure in Gettin' Retarded, and an arguable forefather of what's now known as 'Mumble-Rap'. Granted, both of Craig Mack's albums were glorified ashtrays, but from the MC EZ & Troup 12" in 1988 right up to his indie 12"s a decade or so later, Mack was #actually a Consistently Good Singles Artist™. Here's yer proof in the form of a generic list post:

MC EZ & Troup - Get Retarded (1988)
MC EZ & Troup - Just Rhymin' (1988)
Craig Mack - Flava In Ya Ear (1994)
Craig Mack ft. Notorious B.I.G, LL Cool J etc - Flava In Ya Ear (Remix) (1994)
Craig Mack - Making Moves With Puff (1994)
Craig Mack - Get Down (1994)
Craig Mack - Jockin' My Style (1997)
Craig Mack - Style (1997)
Craig Mack - Please Listen To My Demo (1999)
Craig Mack - The Wooden Horse (1999)
Craig Mack - Brand New N*gga (2000)
Craig Mack - Mack Come Thru (2000)

You won't be around next year, and, sadly, neither will he now. Drinks in the air for Mack, folks: the only man to get any decent use out of Das EFX post-1992.

Friday, 9 March 2018

"I been slappin' all my life, you been slappin' for a month"

"I'm ridin' round town, bitch, I gotta keep it trill
Wakin' bitches up with the speakers in the grill
Even if you deaf I bet a n*gga can feel
'Cause the rear view mirror shakin' like it got the chills"


Ghost8800 - Sonic Boom (video mix)
(From YouTube; 2012)



Ain't gon' lie, ya host had never heard this revamped mix of Ghost8800's MySpace staple Sonic Boom until what would have been his birfday today. Same Gas as the O.G version but with at least 50% more crispy pop in its trunk. Song's been slappin' since last decade, but I'd never blapped it like this until tonight.

Thursday, 8 March 2018

Everything's fine, but I'm in a 1997 state of mind



Worst than purgatory - yeah, word to me! One of my favourite N.Y indie-era 12"s this; Piece Of The Action flirts with Jigginess to the extent that even Funkmaster Flex played it, while Seeds Of Hate was best described within the pages of On The Go magazine:

Friday, 2 March 2018

Now I can talk MY shit

Unpopular opinion: Valee's much-heralded verse on Two 16's was impressive from a theatrical standpoint on the breath control tip, but not particularly enjoyable from a musical standpoint because it was a blatant act of attention-hogging on someone else's song and a waste of all the little melodic tricks Valee has up the sleeves of his Adidas tracksuits. Juice & Gin here is the song Two 16's would have been if Valee had complimented ZMoney's verse rather than just dropping a breezeblock of words on there with no regards for the rest of the track.

Valee - Juice & Gin
(From GOOD Job, You Found Me EP; 2018)



Really doe, ya host just hopes Seen Her Before doesn't end up being an outlier in Valee's catalogue because Makonnentosh Plus is a song-style which needs to blossom into a full-blown sound. Once more for doz that slept:

Valee - Seen Her Before
(From 1988 mixtape; 2017)


Wednesday, 28 February 2018

Generic list post: February 2018


Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when man like MP45 found a secrete & rare 1988 in-store performance by Big Daddy Kane and Ice-T on the 'Tube. "Ice like T, hot like Hell" foreal.

Max B - Take A Flick (2013)
70th Street Carlos - Clappin' (2018)
5th Ward Weebie ft. Wild Wayne & Trombone Shorty - Drop It How Ya Feel It (2018)
Tay-K - After You (2018)
Kendrick Lamar & SOB X RBE - Paramedic (2018)
SOB X RBE - Carpoolin' (2018)

"Magic mirror on the wall, who are 2018's squarest rap fans of all?"


".. 'Tis thy mans who insist Paramedic is SOB X RBE's best song ever innit.. "

Tuesday, 27 February 2018

Ya Life's On The Line

The Famous Amos I Bet U Won't challenge continues to hit new heights, quite literally in the case of his latest video where he's truck-surfin' like Teen Wolf (and in the rain on some The Dramatics type shit, no less.) If you ain't putting your own safety at risk for cheap laughs then get the f*ck off Instagram in 2018, IMHO.


Remember when Jacka recorded the best Rap song about rain since Rae & Ghost?

Friday, 23 February 2018

Generic list post: 1998 was 20 years ago!

A sequel to the recent favourite rap songs of 1988 list, 35 indisputable choonz from the year when Belly and Buffalo '66 were released, Pol Pot was declared deceased, and the number of annoying Rap magazine scribes proclaiming Mos Def as "the saviour of Hip Hop!" significantly increased.

KMD - Popcorn
MF DOOM - The Mic
Redman ft. Busta Rhymes - Da Goodness
OutKast - Aquemini
Cool Breeze ft. Dungeon Family - Watch For The Hook
Noreaga - Superthug
Mac Dre - Life's A Bitch
AZ - The Pay Back
Big Pun - Dream Shatterer
Juvenile - Juvenile On Fire
Cam'Ron ft. Ma$e - Horse & Carriage
Sporty Thievz - Cheapskate (You Ain't Gettin' Nada)
Fat Pat - Tops Drop
Devin The Dude - Mo' Fa Me
Kool G. Rap - Mafioso
E-40 - Flashin'
D.I.T.C - Dignified Soldiers
Show & A.G. - Spit
Big L - Size 'Em Up
DJ Quik - We Still Party
Young Bleed ft. C-Loc & Maxminelli - Better Than The Last Time
Silkk The Shocker ft. Mystikal - It Ain't My Fault
Soulja Slim - From What I Was Told
Missin' Linx - M.I.A.
Godfather Don - Da Bomb Baby
Screwball - Cookies & Cream
Pastor Troy - No Mo' Play In G.A
C-Bo - 'Til My Casket Drops
Gang Starr - Work
M.O.P. - Handle Ur Bizness (DJ Premier Remix)
Pacewon - I Declare War
Eminem - My Name Is
The Coup - Me & Jesus the Pimp in a '79 Granada Last Night
Gangsta Boo ft. Three 6 Mafia - Where Dem Dollas At?
DMX - Crime Story

(Decided that I can't front My Name Is however much I'd like to. Contrary to popular opinion, it is a far better song than Role Model or Any Man or any of the other 1997 - 1999 Eminem tracks beloved of my fellow headz who don't even particularly like Eminem.)