Friday, 16 February 2018


"N*gga wanna show his ass like a baboon
Now he's a hashtag, now he's a tattoo
Now his bitch's ass on my dick in the bathroom
Wanna be a class coon? You get ate like fast food
You won't walk, you gon' crawl away like a raccoon
Hands in the air like a statue, I will shoot you in a classroom
See through you like a glassroom, I have nothing to ask you"

Tay-K - After You
(From t'internet; 2018)

Hate to be one of those Ken Kaniff bloggas postin' songs by child gangbanger rappers with murder charges, but ya host finds it difficult to resist the dubious charms of this new Tay-K track in much the same way that I couldn't front on The Race. Shorty lemme tell you about my only vice, it's got to do with music by #problematic rappers and it ain't nothin' nice.

Wednesday, 14 February 2018

Bottle of Loffe please, luv

What's love?
Love is when you don't need no hair of the dog
Love is when your significant other is a pig or a frog
Love is when you convince her to listen to Loon
Guaranteed to have her babbied-up soon...

Sunday, 11 February 2018

Born To Audiomack: 2010's Golden Oldies playlist

11 legit jams from decades past which were officially unreleased until they finally saw the proper light of day during the past 8 years. Shout out to anyone who played a part in gettin' these songs out there so everyone can hear 'em.

Tracks & Deets:
Lord Finesse - Inconsiderate Females (1989/2012)
Spice 1 - Killa Days (1992/2014)
Camp Lo - Camp Lo (Bust Ya Down) (1995/2016)
G. Dep - Blak N*gga (1996/2016)
Mac Dre - Pawns In The Game (1997/2014)
Juvenile ft. Big Tymers - Cash Money Gorilla (1998/2017)
Sean Price - I Shot Tha (2005/2014)
Max B - Take A Flick (2007/2013)
The Jacka ft. Dru Down - For Real (2009/2015)
MF DOOM & Madlib - Avalanche (2009/2016)
T-Pain & Lil' Wayne - Listen To Me (2009/2017)

Friday, 9 February 2018

If we sacrifice that nonce Afrika Bambaataa to a volcano can we get Lovebug Starski back?

A very important rapper for ya host since seeing Lovebug Starski doing Amityville (The House on the Hill) on Top Of The Pops in 1986 was one of my "EUREKA!" moments with rap as a kid:

Legend has it Starski might have invented the term Hip Hop in 1978, but let's not hold that against him, eh? After all, how can you hate the rapper who let Larry Smith & Davy DMX go full on Trevor Horn Electro-pop:

Lovebug Starski - You've Gotta Believe
(From You've Gotta Believe single; 1983)

You've Gotta Believe's B-Side Starski Live At The Disco Fever wasn't half bad either; Larry Smith & Davy DMX abandoned their pop instincts entirely on that one and essentially used the beat as a dry run for the stark drum machine sound they'd perfect a few weeks later on Run D.M.C's Sucker MC's.

Rap always needs more artists who've given themselves exotic monikers, and less artists using their boring real names like ol' Plain Jane soundin' ass Keith Murray/Kevin Gates/J. Cole/Mick Jenkins etc. Real Name, No Gimmicks is only acceptable if you've got a fly one like Craig Mack.

Wednesday, 7 February 2018

Do Androids Dream Of Electro Street Sounds?

Dopplereffekt - Voice Activated
(From Infophysix EP; 1996)

Also taken from the same Dave Clarke X-Mix Electro Boogie video mix VHS tape as this clip for LFO's We Are Back. If Morgan Khan had kept releasing his Street Sounds Electro compilations into the '90s then Voice Activated defintely woulda been the Stomper Ne Plus Ultra™ of whatever volume it would have featured on.

No shotz @ Khan, but it's pretty unforgivable that he never put Jonzun Crew's Space Is The Place, Spoonie Gee's Street Girl or owt by Egyptian Lover on any of his Electro compilations. That's like Darlene without Ice, The Lost Boys without rice, or DMX without a pipe.

Friday, 2 February 2018

Louisiana trombones and tuba alert!

This one sounds hella promising: 5th Ward Weebie does a Diddy and records himself Louisiana's answer to Get Off? Swear down, I'm flying to New Orleans to dish out Chinese burns if Weebie makes like Ya Boy Big Choo and just teases this song endlessly on Instagram for a year without dropping it. This ain't a game, gawd!

... and just like that, it drops. Not the Get Off ya host imagined, more another Whatcha Workin It Fa innit. Fresh 4 the 2018 Magnolia Projects Mardi Gras parade, you suckaz:

5th Ward Weebie ft. Wild Wayne & Trombone Shorty - Drop It How Ya Feel It
(From Soundcloud; 2018)

Word around uptown, Wild Wayne is gonna call in big Louis T and the YG'z for the official Drop It How Ya Feel It remix. My currency doesn't jiggle-jiggle, it's crypto/I start shit off like Ziggly Wiggly fo sho!

Thursday, 1 February 2018

Reasons why I love YouTube part whatever

Ultimate Force - I'm Not Playing
(From Jazzy Jay's Cold Chillin' In The Studio Live compilation; 1989)

Who knew there was a video for Diamond D's first production AKA the de facto birth of the D.I.T.C crew, eh? One of the first Golden-Era joints to depart from the James Brown/Ultimate Breaks & Beats canon and go diggin' in them classique Blues crates instead. Highlight? Peep 1:13 for the Chuck Norris chest merkin.

Wednesday, 31 January 2018

Generic list post: January 2018

Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when #TeamMartorialist found themselves on a dance floor with Ainsley Harriot. Fun fact: the king of supermarket couscous knows every word to California Love.

Mac Dre - Outrages (2002)
70th Street Carlos - I Bet U Won't (Remix) (2017)
Que Almighty ft. JMM Larry & 70th Street Carlos - Don't Start No Shit (2018)
Maine Musik - Soulja Slim Flow 2 (2018)
Payroll Giovanni & Cardo - In Me, Not On Me (2018)
Kwamz & Flava - Shooooo Freestyle (2018)

Other notables: lemme get a no Auto-Tune mix of Crash Out by OMB Peezy & the Sherwood lads because "that funny voice shit" erases everything which makes Peezy so distinct; sorry SOB X RBE, but Foxy Brown already recorded the definitive Cruel Summer flip back in 2003; listened to those two new Creek Boyz tracks and came to the conclusion that they're currently a One Song Wonder™ in the vein of Sicko Mobb, imho; Don't even need to hear the new Migos album to know that it's a 2018 equivalent of a late '90s Das EFX double disc; No idea who Odee is, but in the video for his Janky Individual song he's wearing a Puma tracksuit version of the Chopper Suit.

Friday, 26 January 2018

Very brief thoughts on that new Migos album

Everyone who pretended that Migos have EVER released a full length project with more than two good songs on it now have the LP they deserve: the album which goes on forever. Forever ever? Forever never seemed that long in comparison to Culture II's track listing.

Of course a certain someone was warning about glib idiots overrating Migos full lengths back in 2014.

Tuesday, 23 January 2018

70th Street Carlos still #TeamKevinGates

"Look, I just popped a perc, it make me feel good
I fucked my cousin and I still would"

Que Almighty ft. JMM Larry & 70th Street Carlos - Don't Start No Shit
(From YouTube; 2018)

The entire Put That On Gang band is back together again on their Funky 3 + 1 type shit. Trel Itz A Hit really does have an uncanny knack for reassembling the classic motifs of Louisiana rap production in fresh new patterns: don't start no shit, but do Do The James 2k18.

Monday, 22 January 2018

Generic list post: 5 fives (the proof is in the posting)

Proof that SOB X RBE didn't start a "new Bay Area sound":
DB Tha General - Intro (2007)
D-Lo - U Already Kno Doe (2009)
NhT Boyz - DJ (2010)
DJ Upgrade ft. Rico Tha Kidd - Hey Girl (2012)
Ezale - 5 Minutes Of Funktown (2013)

Proof that Ego Trip's best singles lists missed a buncha legit classics:
Ice-T - High Rollers (1988)
Too $hort - The Ghetto (1990)
Digable Planets - 9th Wonder (Blackitolism) (1994)
Thug Life - Pour Out A Little Liquor (1994)
Camp Lo - Luchini (AKA This Is It) (1996)

Proof that Ego Trip's best singles lists missed a buncha legit classics 2:
Ice Cube - It Was A Good Day (1992)
UGK - Pocket Full Of Stones (Pimp C Mix) (1993)
Tha Dogg Pound - What Would U Do (1994)
Slick Rick ft. Doug E. Fresh - Sittin' In My Car (1994)
Big Mike ft. Pimp C - Havin' Thangs (1994)

Proof that Tha Carter 2.5 is an underrated mixtape:
Lil' Wayne - Ain't Got Time (2006)
Lil' Wayne - Cash Money N*gga (2006)
Lil' Wayne ft. Birdman - BM J.R Part 2 (2006)
Lil' Wayne ft. Curren$y - Talk That Shit (2006)
Lil' Wayne - That Somebody (2006)

Proof that the Rap Music Hysteria blog needs to return:
OMB Peezy - Lay Down (2016)
WNC Carlos ft. JMM Larry & SOG Sherwood Flame - Cross Me (2016)
BallGreezy - Shone (2007)
Chi Ching Ching - Roast Or Fry (Breadfruit) (2015)
Rosco P. Coldchain - I Can't Help (2003)

That last 5 is a roundabout way of saying that there hasn't been a Rap Music Hysteria post since october. That's a huge pity since RMH host SE was the first person to post songs by the WNC crew and OMB Peezy, which basically means he's more important than 99% of the self-styled tastemakers on the rap internet.

Friday, 19 January 2018

Homeboy, I'll make ya famous

Fuck breakdancing, Famous Amos' I Bet U Wont challenge videos are the official 4th element of Hip Hop kulcha now. Has any member of the Rock Steady Crew ever danced in a moving vehicle? No? Then I rest my case, y'honour.

Fall back 4 elementz survivalists because breakdancing was only ever any good within the context of Style Wars. After that it's just a bunch of Japs, Krauts, and Brits rolling around on the floor together, gurning and grabbin' their nutz.

Wednesday, 17 January 2018

Missy Elliot's back catalogue was mah spot

If old Timbaland productions are gonna get gaffled, then it's better for everybody concerned if U.K Afrobeats artists of Ghanaian descent do the gafflin' rather than XXXtentpoletudor weed carriers. Respect to the jack king JD, but Shithole Countries™ FTW in 2018.

Kwamz & Flava - Shooooo Freestyle
(From YouTube; 2018)

Bonus Timbaland beats: who caught John Barnes shakin' it like Louise Woodward when Ginuwine performed Pony live in the Celebrity Big Brother house last week? I hope Heaven got a WiFi signal so tha gawd Gary Warnett can see this:

Actual facts relax: Louise Woodward and John Barnes used to be real life neighbours in the early noughties. They don't call ya host Dead Perez for nothin'.

Monday, 15 January 2018

No sample cleared

Nice & Smooth - We Are No. 1
(From Nice & Smooth album; 1989)

Dunno if anybody else has noticed this, but Nice & Smooth's We Are No. 1 seems to have been removed from all streaming services. Why couldn't God have taken Something I Can't Explain instead, right? Think of We Are No. 1 as one of the first successful attempts at Boom-Wop, just don't think of calling the lawyers representing Joe Cocker's estate.

Anybody else got any examples of random songs from rap albums which have been removed from streaming services due to sample clearance?

Wednesday, 10 January 2018

Generic list post: 1988 was 30 years ago!

30 legit jams from the year that Heathers was released, Kenneth Williams was declared deceased, and the number of great rap albums significantly increased.

Slick Rick - The Moment I Feared
Eric B. & Rakim - Lyrics Of Fury
N.W.A - Straight Outta Compton
Eazy-E - Eazy-Er Said Than Dunn
EPMD - You Gots To Chill
LL Cool J - Jack The Ripper
Public Enemy - Black Steel In The Hour Of Chaos
Run D.M.C - Beats To The Rhyme
Ice-T - Drama
Ultramagnetic M.C's - Kool Keith Housing Things
Marley Marl ft. The Juice Crew - The Symphony
Kool G. Rap & D.J. Polo - Poison
Big Daddy Kane - Set It Off
Biz Markie - Vapors (LP Version)
MC Shan - So Def
DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince - Brand New Funk
45 King ft. MC La Kim - We Got The Funk
Lakim Shabazz - All True And Living
Queen Latifah - Wrath Of My Madness
Too $hort - City Of Dope
Positive K ft. King Of Chill - Step Up Front (3 Heineken Technique)
MC Lyte - Paper Thin
J.V.C. Force - Strong Island
Sir Mix-A-Lot - Posse On Broadway
Jungle Brothers - Because I Got It Like That
De La Soul - Jenifa Taught Me (Derwin's Revenge)
Tuff Crew - My Part Of Town
Doug E. Fresh & The Get Fresh Crew - Keep Rising To The Top
Cool C - Down To The Grissle
Tone Loc - Wild Thing

Sunday, 7 January 2018

I got a bucket but that bih feel foreign

70th Street Carlos - I Bet You Won't (Remix)
(From t'internet; 2017)

Like the Laughing Stock lads once said - Life's What You Make It. This shit's nutty like Carlos is the pecan mane, so ya host had to give this one more than a mere honourable mention. Very raer modern remix which is a remix in the traditional sense of the word.

Thursday, 4 January 2018

Rob Peter to pay lipservice to Paul

"Post Malone wanna be black
He gettin' rap money, but he tryna downplay rap
*Ima smack him!*
Paul Rosenberg called him out on that
I hope G-Eazy don’t do nothing stupid like that
*He better not!*"

Uncle Murda - Rap Up 2017
(From t'internet; 2017)

Dead @ Uncle Murda confusing Peter Rosenberg with Paul Rosenberg on his 2017 Rap Up. Nine minutes long, though? Are they pressing this up in a Sugar Hill Records sleeve for Record Store Day 2018 or summat?

Tuesday, 2 January 2018

I Bet U Won't look good on the dancefloor

The data has been compiled, the numbers have been crunched, and the conclusion is official: the I Bet U Won't Challenge was officially the best viral dance #challenge of 2017. Best song, funniest videos, most durability over the span of 12 months, first opportunity to point out that Peter Pan Dan is really Turkish from Arsenal Fan TV in disguise. You did it, Baton Rouge, you did it!

Here at The Martorialist we can forgive/forget Mouse's awful 2017 album of Atlantafied industry pandering purely off the strength of I Bet U Won't blowing up.

Saturday, 30 December 2017

Generic list post: December 2017

A post shared by Einer Bankz (@einerbankz) on

Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when 70th Street Carlos Unplugged happened. Catch you in 2018.

Quelle Chris ft. DJ House Shoes - BS Vibes (2017)
Boosie BadAzz - Webbie I Remember (2017)
Maine Musik - Soulja Slim Flow (2017)
Tay B ft. FMB DZ - Back 2 Back Part 2 (2017)
DJ Consequence ft. YCEE - In A Benz (2016)
Diron Animal - Don't Stop (2017)
Tove Lo - Shedontknowbutsheknows (2017)

Other notables: a very pleasant surprise to hear a Public Enemy homage in 2017 with Scarface's Black Still; fair play to 70th Street Carlos for doing an I Bet U Won't remix in the old fashioned sense of the word remix; never seen an episode of Kenan & Kel in my life, so Nef The Pharaoh's jack of the theme song is wasted on me; Step One found a good Black Rob deep cut from way back, but I've really gotta be in a certain type of mood to listen to Rob rhyme about hammering nails into someone's nipples.

Thursday, 28 December 2017

The Duke Bootees of Hazard

"Every time I go out bitches notice me
BAPE hoodie zipped to the top, how they know it's me?"

Tay B ft. FMB DZ - Back 2 Back Part 2
(From AFLN King album; 2017)

Via ANU. Time waits for no one, but The Message beatjacks are eternal like East 1999 innit. The history books might never give Duke Bootee proper credit for the song he composed, wrote, and rapped on before Melle Mel added a recycled verse, but can't nobody hold that beat down.

For whatever reason, 2017 Detroit street rap makes the most sense to me within the context of beatjacking: this song, Doughboyz Cashout's This Is How We Move It, AllStar Lee's The Fresh Prince Of Brick Mile, and FMB DZ's Friday.